saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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