Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
