Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
