everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
