I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
