uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
