I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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