If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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