two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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