mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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