the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
