I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
