So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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