we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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