I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
