My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
