you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
