Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
