your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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