My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
