also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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