Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
