Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
