i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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