The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
