in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
