worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
