got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am naked and annoyed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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