Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
