did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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