Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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