also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
