someone threw a dead crab at me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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