Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
