So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
