I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
