i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
