I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
