how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
