Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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