I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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