butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
