All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
