I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
