Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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