my phone needs a breathalizer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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