I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
