He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
