Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
