ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
