i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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